ST. AUGUSTINE, FLORIDA — In a stunning victory for paperwork and calendar deadlines, St. Augustine has announced its next mayor after a hard-fought race against N/A.

Political analysts say N/A entered the race with several early disadvantages, including no campaign staff, no platform, no mailing address, and no detectable human form.

Despite this, N/A remained competitive through most of qualifying by sitting quietly on a blank line and hoping nobody asked any follow-up questions.

“It was a clean campaign,” one election observer said. “No attack ads. No robocalls. No yard signs. No candidate. Honestly, kind of peaceful.”

City Hall confirmed the race officially ended once the qualifying deadline passed and N/A failed to mount a serious challenge, largely due to not being a person.

Supporters of local democracy praised the efficient process, saying it saved voters time, reduced political tension, and allowed everyone to skip directly to having opinions after the fact.

At press time, N/A had not conceded, though officials say that is mostly because N/A could not be reached for comment.