PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL — After reviewing proposed operational improvements along State Road A1A, FDOT has reportedly brought in The Riddler as a special traffic consultant to help generate new ideas for the corridor.

The move is part of a completely fictional initiative to make the already complicated stretch from Gnarled Oaks Drive to the Duval County line “more interactive, more mysterious, and significantly harder to explain at a public meeting.”

According to the satirical proposal, The Riddler will assist with several intersections, including Fairfield Boulevard/Sawgrass Drive West, TPC Boulevard/Country Club Boulevard, Sawgrass Village Drive/L’Atrium Drive, Solana Road, Merchants Plaza to Professional Drive, and Ponte Vedra Lakes Boulevard.

His first recommendation was simple: every left turn should require a question.

At Fairfield Boulevard and Sawgrass Drive West, drivers would approach the intersection and be asked, “What has four lanes, two medians, and no clear sense of emotional closure?” Motorists who answer “A1A” may proceed. Motorists who answer “my marriage” will be redirected to Sawgrass Drive West for further processing.

At Solana Road, The Riddler proposed replacing traditional turn signals with a rotating series of clues. A green light would mean go. A yellow light would mean prepare to stop. A purple question mark would mean “search your heart.”

TPC Boulevard and Country Club Boulevard would receive what the consultant called “enhanced uncertainty.” Under the concept, drivers attempting to go straight would be shown three arrows, two of which are real and one of which is “symbolic.”

Sawgrass Village Drive and L’Atrium Drive would become the first intersection in Northeast Florida where the correct lane is determined by confidence alone.

For the stretch between Merchants Plaza and Professional Drive, The Riddler recommended extending the southbound auxiliary lane and renaming it “The Lane of Consequences.” Drivers merging from J.T. Butler Boulevard would be given additional space to accelerate, merge, panic, reconsider, and eventually pick a lane based on vibes.

At Ponte Vedra Lakes Boulevard, the proposed eastbound right-turn lane would remain mostly normal, though The Riddler suggested adding a ceremonial sign reading, “You May Turn Right, But At What Cost?”

Residents were reportedly divided between supporting traffic safety and not wanting to solve a puzzle box on the way to Publix.

The Riddler, however, defended his approach.

“Congestion is merely a question the road asks the driver,” he said, while pointing at three arrows and laughing at none of them.

Transportation experts say the fictional consultant’s ideas are unlikely to appear in any real FDOT plan, though several admitted the existing diagrams already look like they were drafted after someone whispered, “What if traffic had lore?”

At press time, The Riddler had submitted one final suggestion: rename Jimmy Buffett Memorial Highway to “Margariddleville.”