ST. AUGUSTINE, FL — The St. Johns County Commission, in a dazzling display of civic priorities, voted unanimously Tuesday to deny Main Street Pizza in Hastings the grave privilege of selling beer and wine with meals. This decision bravely overturned a Planning and Zoning Agency approval that somehow thought a pizza and pinot pairing wouldn't immediately unravel the moral fabric of the community.

Owner Matt Glass, who apparently believes in nuance, stressed his establishment is a family-friendly ice cream shop and restaurant, not a den of iniquity. He merely wanted to offer a "glass of wine or a beer with pizza," a concept foreign to the county code, apparently. Glass even pointed out that Hastings’ commercial district already hosts alcohol sales at Dollar General and Circle K, with a full-liquor event venue nearby, but commissioners were not swayed by such earthly comparisons.

Church leaders, easily identifiable by their strategic use of red attire, argued that a pizza joint 25 feet from their property lines would disrupt "church activities, youth programs, counseling ministries, and children" attending events. Concerns were also raised about noise, traffic, pedestrian safety, and, most critically, the precedent it could set for future pizza-beer-and-salvation conflicts countywide.

So, while Hastings’ revitalization potentially takes a hit, at least the children are safe from the alleged looming threat of a responsible adult having a beer with their pepperoni slice. The Dollar General and Circle K, however, continues its reign of boozy terror, apparently beyond the reach of divine intervention.

Source: https://sjcitizen.com/tapped-out-st-johns-county-board-votes-on-restaurants-request-to-serve-beer-and-wine-near-churches/