ST. JOHNS COUNTY, FL — In a daring attempt to interrupt the nation’s ongoing slide into sticky-screen civilization, the St. Johns County Public Library System is launching its 2026 “Stars, Stripes, and Stories” Summer Reading Program, inviting local children to experience an ancient entertainment device known as a book.

The object, according to early reports, is rectangular, portable, requires no charger, and can be operated by manually turning thin sheets of paper with the human hand.

Library officials say the program will include reading logs, prizes, family activities, STEM events, crafts, movies, trivia, and more than 100 events across the county, giving families a free summer activity that does not involve yelling “get off the iPad” from another room.

Experts believe the program could help children rediscover several lost skills, including sitting still, following a story longer than 11 seconds, and realizing that not every form of entertainment comes with a comments section written by a raccoon with Wi-Fi.

Parents across St. Johns County are reportedly intrigued by the idea, especially after learning the library has air conditioning, does not charge admission, and contains hundreds of quiet objects that cannot ask for Robux.

“I just think it’ll be good for them,” said one local parent, carefully sliding a tablet under a couch cushion like contraband. “They need to learn there are other things in life besides YouTube Shorts, pool snacks, and asking me if we can go to Chick-fil-A.”

The summer program arrives at a crucial time, as many children are entering the dangerous portion of summer break where time loses meaning, breakfast becomes a popsicle, and every living room slowly transforms into a charging station.

Officials are optimistic that the program’s prizes and activities will encourage kids to read voluntarily, or at least stand near books long enough for parents to take a picture and claim victory online.

The theme, “Stars, Stripes, and Stories,” also ties into America’s upcoming 250th birthday, reminding families that this country was built by people who read entire documents without skipping to the comments.

Local children, meanwhile, remain cautiously confused.

“So it’s like a Kindle,” said one child, examining a book, “but broken?”

Library staff have confirmed the object is not broken. That is simply how books work.