ST. AUGUSTINE BEACH, FLORIDA — Several tourists were reportedly shaken this week after discovering that St. Augustine Beach had beach stuff on it.

The trouble began when visitors walked over the dunes expecting paradise and instead found a long brown trail of "seaweed" stretched across the sand like the ocean had emptied its pockets and left town.

Witnesses say one man stood there for several minutes holding a beach chair and looking at the sargassum like it had personally denied his mortgage application.

“This isn’t what it looked like online,” one visitor said, staring at the natural coastline he had paid money to visit.

“In the pictures, the beach was cleaner. More emotionally available.”

Locals were less surprised.

“It’s seaweed,” said one resident, stepping over it with the dead eyes of a person who has already accepted Florida. “Sometimes the ocean brings ocean stuff. That’s kind of its whole thing.”

County officials have not announced any plan to remove the seaweed, though several visitors have suggested the beach be swept, pressure washed, filtered, or possibly rebooted.

By noon, complaints had expanded to include sand in shoes, wind affecting umbrellas, birds acting suspicious, and the sun being too directly involved.

The ocean declined to comment, but did continue placing wet brown material exactly where people were trying to have a nice day.