The Roar Report · Free
The county gets weirder every week. We take notes.
Original satire, real local stories, subscriber-only nonsense, and one chance a week to prove you’re funnier than us. Every Friday.
Free. Every Friday. No spam. No PR.
What's inside
Four reasons to open your email Friday.
Exclusive satire
Stories we don’t post anywhere else.
At least three completely made-up local stories inspired by the very real absurdity of living in St. Johns County.
Real satire
Unfortunately, this one actually happened.
One real local story told with the Local Lion treatment — plus a fact-check box separating what’s real from what we’re making fun of.
In memoriam
Gone, but locally significant.
A weekly farewell to something St. Johns County lost, killed, demolished, developed, closed, paved over, or otherwise sent to a better place.
Finish the headline
Think you’re funnier than us?
Every week we give readers an unfinished Local Lion headline. You give us the punchline. Best answer gets featured in the next issue.
A typical Friday
This is what lands in your inbox.
The Roar Report
Friday. St. Johns County. Still like this.
Exclusive satire
Nocatee Child Shocked To Learn Some Neighborhoods Don’t Have Their Own Water Park
In memoriam
This Week We Remember: One More Completely Undeveloped Field
Real satire
The story is real. The jokes are ours.
✓ Fact check
What actually happened vs. what we added for effect — spelled out, every time.
Finish the headline
“St. Johns County Resident Discovers ________”
Submit your best answer. We’ll publish our favorite next Friday.
Some stories are satire. Some somehow aren’t. We label them accordingly.
Who it's for
People who actually live here.
If you know St. Johns County well enough to understand why half our headlines could be real, you’ll probably fit in.
Questions
The short answers.
- How often does it come?
- Once a week. Friday morning. That’s it.
- What does it cost?
- Nothing. It’s free.
- Is everything satire?
- No. Some stories are completely made up. Others are real stories told through satire and commentary. We clearly label the difference.
- Will you sell my email?
- No. We don’t sell, rent, trade, barter, or accidentally rezone your email address.
- How do I unsubscribe?
- One click at the bottom of any issue. No guilt trip.
The Roar Report
The county gets weirder every week. We take notes.
Get the stuff we don’t post anywhere else, delivered every Friday.