St. Johns County · Florida

Nocatee news with a bite.

The county's fastest-growing planned community — splash parks, new phases, and a commute that keeps getting longer.

Nocatee is what happens when a master-planned community grows faster than the roads leading into it. It is one of the fastest-selling communities in the country, it has its own water park, and it generates a genuinely impressive amount of neighborhood group chat.

We cover Nocatee the way residents experience it: the commute, the schools, the amenities, and the permanent negotiation between a planned community and the county it sits inside.

What we make fun of in Nocatee

  • · Splash Park and Spray Park season, hours, and access rules
  • · Nocatee Parkway and US-1 commute reality
  • · New schools, new phases, new roundabouts
  • · Town center openings and closings

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The Roar Report · Free

The county gets weirder every week. We take notes.

Original satire, real local stories, subscriber-only nonsense, and one chance a week to prove you’re funnier than us. Every Friday.

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