ST. AUGUSTINE, FL — After years of studying how to protect St. Augustine from flooding, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers has returned with its official recommendation:

“We don’t.”

At the May 11 City Commission meeting, city staff explained that the Back Bay study reached the National Economic Development Plan stage, which sounds impressive until you realize the result was basically a very expensive shrug.

According to Public Works Director Stephen Slaughter, every proposed design came back with a benefit-cost ratio below one. In government math, that means for every dollar spent, the return was less than a dollar.

In normal St. Augustine math, that means the ocean won the spreadsheet.

Because none of the options met the required cost-benefit threshold, the recommendation came back as “no action.”

This is not technically the same as saying “good luck,” but locals are encouraged to interpret tone.

City officials did stress that the study was not useless. They said they learned a lot from the process, including which ideas may still be worth looking at locally, which flood projects could be folded into future plans, and how quickly a room can become silent when the official answer is “do nothing.”

Meanwhile, the city is still moving forward with other resiliency projects, including seawall work, stormwater improvements, tide check valves, drainage upgrades, and flood mitigation planning in areas like Lake Maria Sanchez, Davis Shores, and South Whitney.

In other words, the city is not giving up.

It’s just that the federal government looked at saving the whole back bay area, checked the price tag, and quietly backed out of the room.

Residents were relieved to hear the city has more than $52 million in resiliency-related work either planned or underway, though some admitted they would also support a backup plan involving inner tubes, waterproof margarita cups, and a lazy river entrance fee for tourists.

At press time, St. George Street had not officially been converted into a water attraction, but several locals agreed it would at least solve the parking problem.