ST. AUGUSTINE, FL — A local farmers market briefly achieved full woodworking saturation Saturday after residents discovered that nearly every other tent was selling cutting boards, American flag wall art, or something made from reclaimed wood that looked deeply prepared to cost $85.

The market, which once promised fresh produce, local goods, and community charm, now appears to be mostly a traveling support group for charcuterie boards.

“It’s important that shoppers have options,” said one fictional market organizer. “For example, they can buy a cutting board with a beach wave, a cutting board with an alligator, or a cutting board that says ‘Freedom’ in a font normally seen on truck decals.”

Witnesses say shoppers wandered the aisles in search of vegetables before realizing the “farmers” portion of the farmers market had been reduced to one tomato table, a honey booth, and a man selling microgreens with the quiet intensity of a cult recruiter.

Local officials praised the market’s diversity, noting that no two vendors were selling the exact same American flag made of wood, since one had a blue stripe and another was “rustic coastal.”

At publishing time, a new vendor had applied to sell handmade cutting boards, bringing much-needed competition to the handmade cutting board sector.