ST. AUGUSTINE, FL — The National Park Service (NPS), in a bold move for constitutional literacy, reportedly learned that when you tell someone to move to a designated "First Amendment area" on public land, you're essentially admitting the entire country is, in fact, a "First Amendment area." A federal citation issued to a popular conservative internet personality, who was protesting outside the Castillo de San Marcos, has been dismissed after this rather enlightened discovery by federal officials.

The incident began when NPS staff, perhaps mistaking the Castillo for a private HOA meeting, instructed the protestor to relocate to a specific "First Amendment area." This, according to anyone who has ever owned a copy of the U.S. Constitution (or, you know, lived here), is a slightly redundant request, given that public land tends to operate under the "all of it, always" rule for free speech.

Said citation, issued for what sounds suspiciously like a civics lesson in progress, has now been dismissed. The news outlet News4Jax reported on the viral confrontation, which served as an urgent reminder that free speech isn't just for designated zones or particularly chatty birds. It's for the whole dang country, especially the parts with historic forts.

One can only imagine the huddle of officials after this one, scratching their heads and wondering if "First Amendment parking spaces" were next on the legislative agenda. Thankfully, the Constitution, much like a stubborn St. Augustine tourist, refused to be confined to a single, easily designated spot.