ST. AUGUSTINE, FL — In a development that surprises absolutely no one who’s tried to rent a broom closet here lately, St. Augustine is officially becoming a drive-through city. Apparently, the St. Johns County Chamber of Commerce has just discovered that employees require actual homes to live in, not just jobs, after business owners reported workers "struggling to find housing."

While tourists flock to the historic district, snapping up short-term rentals, locals like Mike Warren watch their neighborhoods transform into Airbnb theme parks. “That’s an Airbnb… that’s an Airbnb,” Warren noted while walking his block, pointing out that “a lot of this block is just Airbnbs. You don’t know your neighbors.” This trend, fueled by investors seeking profit, has driven average home prices in the county past $550,000.

The consequence? Some 42,000 people are now commuting into St. Johns County daily for work, because teachers, nurses, and service staff simply can’t afford to live where they earn. Scott Maynard of the Chamber admits this daily parade means "less traffic on the road" if only people could afford to live here, which is a surprisingly blunt assessment for a Chamber official.

In response, the Chamber has launched its Attainable Housing Coalition, a bold initiative to, presumably, put the toothpaste back in the tube. They’re eyeing "a combination of strategies" to solve this "not a one-solution problem," including building closer to jobs and tweaking zoning rules. Just don’t expect "attainable" to mean "actually affordable," as those homes are still projected to cost between $300,000 and $400,000. Because preserving St. Augustine’s "vibes" is apparently more important than preserving St. Augustinians.