ST. JOHNS COUNTY, FLORIDA – The first firework went off.

That was all it took.

Within seconds, dogs across St. Johns County were under beds, behind toilets, inside laundry rooms, and staring at their owners with the face of an animal who had just watched the sky betray them.

Humans called it “starting the holiday weekend.”

Dogs called it an attack.

By 8:14 p.m., the county’s canine population had formed an emergency group known as D.O.G., short for Dogs Opposing Gunpowder.

Their message was simple: enjoy tonight.

Because at 4:17 a.m., the dogs are returning fire.

“We now understand the rules,” said a trembling lab mix, speaking from inside a bathtub. “Loud noise is funny when the other species is trying to relax.”

The dogs say their planned display will begin the moment humans enter their deep REM sleep cycle.

The show will include barking at the hallway, barking at another dog barking, sprinting across tile, slamming into bedroom doors, and one beagle launching himself off a couch like a bottle rocket with anxiety.

Several dogs also confirmed they have obtained fireworks of their own, though no one is sure how.

“We found them in Randy’s garage,” said a dachshund. “Apparently that is where freedom lives.”

Residents called the plan excessive.

Dogs disagreed.

“You lit the sky on fire because you saw a tent in a Publix parking lot,” said one boxer. “We are simply participating in the culture.”

D.O.G. says the 4:17 a.m. launch can still be avoided.

Their demands include no surprise booms, no “just one more,” no driveway artillery, and all remaining fireworks exchanged for rotisserie chicken.

At press time, negotiations failed after another boom went off and every dog in the county reported seeing God.